*letting go
*relinquishing control
*surrendering
*resigning myself to be at the mercy of others
*not an easy feat...
Good news is that relinquishing control thus far has worked! My last appointments have deemed no changes! This anti-gravity thing must be just what I needed. Although I certainly wish for days that I could go on parole from this bed rest sentence, I know bail is not an option. I have made it 22 days so far and have at least 40+ days to go. I have not had the conversation with my doc yet, haven't seen him since I was discharged-so not for sure when they will let me for sure be released from bed rest. I am hoping as soon as 36 weeks gets here I will be a free woman! I know my high risk doc said I didn't have to come see him anymore at 34:) Maybe my doc will let me start to do "modified" bed rest then. I know weeks ago I never thought I would get this far. There was some real concern. I realized the seriousness of my condition and how quickly things could change. But I can rest and I can remain calm. I am stable right now so I don't need to worry. As long as I am not having contractions I can relax. I try to focus on the liklihood of making it further and as long as I have faith I can find peace:) Our first goal was at least 28 weeks and now I keep thinking why not 32, 34, 36, or even 38? Those are the magic numbers for me! Tomorrow will be 29 weeks so I am keeping my first goal of 32 in sight! My next appointment will be this coming Monday. They said as long as my measurements stay within that .5mm mark from where my baseline was that I could stay home. As I waited in the waiting room and watched a mother come out with her sons crying because she had to stay my heart sank for her. Some enjoy getting out to go to their appointments...I on the other hand have some anxiety about them knowing I may be traveling in the car to them for the last time. I have become accustomed to bed rest at home and enjoy it soo much better than the hospital.
Here are some of the pleasures I have grown to appreciate at home and be more aware of:
- memory foam mattress pads are awesome
- sleeping in the same bed as my husband is a treat
- home cooked meals...enough said:)
- Aubrey playing and waking me up in the morning...saying Hi Mommy
- Steven's stress seems to be decreased with me being here
- Decor on the walls..much better than white walls of hospital room
- Big plasma TV in living room and bedroom
- The sounds coming from Keurig coffee maker
Sure there are things I still miss but trying to focus on these positive things..no matter how ridiculous they sound! I have also realized I'm addicted to pioneer woman and her cooking show! haha... I have a list of things that I want to make when I am off bed rest! I love to cook and miss it terribly. This is probably not the best show to watch while pregnant...luckily I have not been ravenous yet with my food choices but watching her definitely would make even a non preggo hungry:)
If any of you have any bed rest stories...your own, a friends, etc that you'd like to share for encouragement I'd love to hear them! Goodnight;)
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